I found myself waking up to the thought of you this morning. Every morning for the past few weeks actually and it’s a little draining because I think about you all the time throughout the whole day and getting to see you so close makes it even more hard to get to sleep because.. I don’t want to have you living in my subconscious anymore since it hurts so very much.

I was reading this book earlier and the author was saying how individuals and their problems start with “I met this person and we fell in love”. She used the term “brooding”. Brooding over that someone we’ve lost.

And she went on for a while and it seems that for the most of us this emotion we call “love” govern our well-being, our train of thought, our judgment, our waking hours, our dreams and everything else that constitutes as our everyday even in times of hardship..

It’s a little daunting really. Anyone who’s anyone will always tell you to “get over it” but sometimes we don’t really understand what it’s like. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again: it hurts. Full stop.

At this very moment I have a gaping hole in my heart and somehow a placard has made residence next to this empty space saying “To let for free to whoever (not really) but preferable you”.

Sometimes when I think about you I want to puke/cry/scream/laugh and do whatever to help this emptiness go away but like that old saying goes ‘time heals all wounds’. And I do feverishly believe in this it’s just that I can’t wait for time to help heal me because I’m not strong enough to stand the pain of you being in my head and I so cannot stand the pain of you standing outside the door of my heart and just staring demonically at the sign with that smug look on your face. Just pick it up why don’t you? The placard I mean and burn it and hang “home sweet home” next to the door and reside forever and ever in this shell I’ve been busy fixing just for you.