Was holding my the temple of my head between my index fingers just before typing this entry just thinking about what to say but i just couldn't find the right words to express this.. thing i'm feeling.

I think it's a mixture of rage, hate, self-pity, self-loathing, spitefulness, sadness and all those things neatly wrapped in a very, very attractive little box tied with a bloody ribbon.
Maybe it's just one of those days..
Maybe i'm being delirious or perhaps i'm just trying to make myself feel better but I've this gut feeling that it'll be a better day when the sun comes up in a few hours.. Sigh.. i feel better already =).

I've grown over the past few months.. I've learnt not to bawl over the little things and decide that there'll be a day when i will eventually let it all out.. i'm not sure if this is a good thing but.. i think it is. Heh. i've learnt to be stronger mentally and emotionally on so many levels.. Learnt that there are days when things will be shitty but it'll pass..

The most important thing that i've learnt so far.. is to.. let go without hatred; love unconditionally with reservations (because giving it your all is sometimes not the wisest thing to do); realising that with every sun rise things will and do eventually get better; come night fall be thankful for what's been given and so on and so forth..

I need to say this:

I love my life.. despite the downs i do love my life without question because i have come to face the fact that it is no doubt the greatest teacher and it has taught me so many things that i may not find useful now but will be in the building of what is to become my fate, choices, decisions and future..

I love my life because it makes me happy and it helps make my smile brighter than the brightest star..

I love it because I know it loves me.. I know all it wants is the best for me and by giving me things i need to deal with and fight with it is teaching me how to grow up with experiences that'll build me from my core and eventually mold me into someone who can do so many things like.. forgiving without repercussions..

Sigh..

Life, you do amaze me so..

Siti