Living is a great teacher because it teaches you a whole mess of things without event trying..

it teaches you how to be strong and walk with your head held up high, ready to face life with the courage, integrity and passion..

it teaches you a lot even if you don't want to learn the lessons it brings to your door step..

for me, the most important life lesson so far is to never give your all when falling in love. a reservation made only for you, for you to love yourself is as important as loving someone else, because, really, no one can love you as much as you love you. I don't know if i'm making any sense at all but this is just my input from the turbulent experience that i've been going through..

Love has packed its bag, left and never turned back.. and the funny thing is that i never called for it to stay.. It hurts, however. it hurts like bloody murder but yet i can't seem to cry.. but i will for sure one day let it all out and allow the dam to burst and flood my entire bathroom floor as i recollect of all those missed opportunities and the things that could have been, should have been and would have been if i did fight for what i believe is the most strongest emotion that could ever exist; if only i fought for this sacred and illusive, rare and abundant emotion we all come to know as "Love".

might as well, you know? Love leaving like that because i know i wasn't doing it anything good.. i think i was caught up with discovering myself that i've neglected it to the point where we were hurting each other like bee sting's all over your sensitive parts. It was THAT painful.. maybe it's more painful now but i can't be too sure because i haven't fully discovered and experience that impending hurt and have to yet let myself feel that way.

for what it's worth, and i do hope that it's worth a lot, i'm so very sorry Love.. i do fully appreciate your presence and the strength you've given me, the courage you've bestowed upon me, the warmth you've generously wrapped me in on those cold days and nights and the patience you've had to musted to deal with me. But i'm guessing i have to wait for you to return.. maybe not in the same form as when you left but in another form entirely.. whichever or however it turns out you're always welcomed.. mi casa es su casa. you're welcomed to stay for as long as you want to.. just as long as you stay because you want to and not because you feel as if you need to.

believe me, i'm not trying to be all emotional or anything of the sort.. i think i just need to express my feelings through the medium i've been accustomed to - writing. you may leave if you want to but if you decide to stay then thanks for listening =). very much appreciated.

i'm only human, afterall, and i do have my flaws and lately all i can do is think and feel and not cry because i think crying is a weakness reserved only for those who need a form of release.. and i don't think i'm ready for that yet.. because i think that if i were to let go i'll cry and cry and cry till i bleed from my eyes..

like i said, it does hurt but i can't give in to that yet because.. i'm not ready to face reality and i think and know that me being this way is stupid on so many levels.. but like i said, i'm just not ready yet.. and i do so badly want to cry it hurts.. but i can't yet..

Siti