the everyday.

Today.

2011-07-28T06:08:00.000-07:00

A lot has happened over the past year.. And I'm guessing no one really ever comes to this blog cause it's been a while but, you know, if it makes me happy =).

I turned 23 just 10 days ago and I can honestly say I did not see this coming. Just 10 years ago I was still wearing training bra's and the only issue I had was getting my homework done on time and wondering how tall I would be.

(Note to 13-year-old Siti: You didn't grow as tall as you were hoping to be. Sucks to be you.) Heh.

It never dawned on me what it was like to be "grown up" but now that I'm here, typing from my office at 9.39pm, I can't help but wonder, "What would it be like 10 years from now?" and one can only assume because we never really know what the future holds and that in itself is already very daunting.

If I had it my way, I'd like to be content by the time I reach 33 (and add a few more inches to my height) and stop obsessing about how short I am. Seriously. Hahaha. I also hope to still have my sense of humour in tact because I crack myself up sometimes. Hahaha. I did it again!

Ok, ok. I'm no spaz. I just amuse easy. Really. Please.. Stay. Don't go yet! =(

The person who just clicked on the X button is losing out on a lot because I have so much more to share.

.................................

Oh, you're still here?

I must be really tired. I'm having a conversation with myself currently and I don't think that's healthy. I guess it is, to an extent, because it means I know how to keep myself company.. Or it could mean I don't have many friends.

One day, I'd like to look back and say, "You know, you've done so much but you can always do more. You can sleep when you die," and I know that sounds morbid but it's the truth.

Life has so much to offer us and I think that we're wasting so much of what little time we have brooding of the mundane and obsessing about the "would've, could've, should've". Someone once told me that these three words are usually the worse to come by because it makes us realise that we had failed in something that obviously meant a lot to us.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that we ought to move past those three and focus on what's in front of us (and continue to pray for height) and just be happy. It's easier said than done and everyone realises this but, as the old saying goes, "It is the darkest before the dawn," or "The rainbow after the storm," et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

Live life and start loving it.
No point in fighting against a force that is so much more bigger than us, right?
... And exhale.

Til next time,

Much Love,

Siti.

Wow..

2010-06-17T23:28:00.000-07:00

Wowww. My last post was in October. It's now June.. so, that's about.. a gazillion years. I think. I'm surprised I still remember my password.

Anyway. What's up ya'll?

I've started reporting. It's been almost six months. Been fun so far.. normal up's, down's and hair pulling as I go "WHAT THE FUCK?!". Ahh, yes. The working life. I'm starting to appreciate my parents more now.

So.. the hot topic this month? Adaler.. And if you don't know then which rock have you been staying under? I'd like to get the address, join you and be oblivious to the rest of the world for a little bit.

I was just reading the new's earlier and apparently a sperm whale was found dead near the BP oil spill. Kesian.. which pervert came up with the name sperm whale, anyway? Like calling your kid Dick for some odd reason. (Sorry if that offended, but it's true.)

Blah. Brain's a little tired so I'm just randoming.

Okay. Papai nowww..

Siti.

2009-10-24T06:23:00.000-07:00

It's been two weeks since I've last updated.

In the office at the moment and as per usual, pretty slow here.

So how was your day?

Mine was a little tiring, i guess. Finally got to fix my K on my car license plate. Was long over due..

My mum and me went to the old SCR in Gadong and it turns out, that was our first visit in three months, which is kinda surprising considering that we used to visit the place a few times a month prior to the renovation (that's how we found out. we asked the lady how long the renovation took and she said "tiga bulan"). Can't say this enough: where did the time go?

I feel like life's a little too.. short. It's the whole "so much to do, so little time" kinda theology and it's kinda true, somewhat. I think it's because i spend most of my day bumming around and when I'm not bumming around I'm doing nothing in particular and it leaves me a little unfulfilled. Sad, no?

I got my nose pierced earlier in the week. And no, not really. Didn't hurt that bad. Sakit for a split second saja and then after you get over the initial shock that something pierced you, you become ok again. Then you spend the next three or so days being so very careful especially when blowing your nose.. Mine's almost healed so it's all good. Can go back to the nose digging soonish. It's getting so clogged up there who knows what's awaiting my finger. Bats kali.

Anyway. Yar...

Terah.

Siti

2009-10-10T05:56:00.000-07:00

The most beautiful things are the ones that are simple.

I think that most of us today are a little blinded by the material things the world offers us and we become so consumed by the shiny things in the window that we fail to see the dandelion growing on the side walk.

I don't know many people who stop to stare at the flowers; to just engulf the naturalistic beauty that has been bequeathed to us by a Divine power.

It seems like we've almost forgotten the one true satisfaction life has to offer - simplicity

The greatest thing's in life are free.. and this is true..

Nothing else in the world can make you feel the way you do when that certain someone tells you how much they love you or to hear a baby giggle at the silly cat as it is chasing it's tail (i mean, the cat chasing it's own tail.. not the baby chasing the cats tail. Heh).

Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder and again, this is true..

What is beautiful to you is created by you. In another sense, your own opinion is unique to you and no one else can tell you otherwise, because, you know, the other person's opinion is a little absurd. (Kidding.) But you get my gist.

We all have the capability to "rattle stars" and move mountains and inevitably achieve the impossible. You may think what I'm saying now isn't true but think about it..

The impossible, like beauty, is unique with each and everyone. My mum used to say "If someone else can do it, why can't you?" and of course, she was referring to Math. I used to say that Math equations are impossible but in reality I was just too lazy to bother but now that I think about it, now that I have grown-up some what, it wasn't impossible.. I could've if I had taken the time to try .

There was once a time where the greatest minds could only hope to fly. But today, flight has escaped the imagination; and now it is real.

Machines designed to look like birds and hover like bees have become an intricate part of our lives and we can now travel to the stars; we now have the capability to visit other planets and witness other constellations as they evolve and give birth to new stars; we can now gaze at other galaxies and are given the opportunity to explore far beyond our reach and further expand our knowledge on the mysteries that have yet to be discovered and revealed.

To be honest, I just finished reading "The Lost Symbol" by Dan Brown. Kinda explains my gibberish..

Good book. Very insightful.. Has the capability to open one's mind to the almost impossible..

Siti

2009-10-08T02:59:00.000-07:00

As a Bruneian, I am truly grateful that we are geographically situated sheltered from the natural devastation's that have rendered our neighbours helpless, powerless and heartbroken.

We, as Bruneians, we need to start appreciating the gift's and the many blessing's that have been bestowed upon us by the Almighty; that we are still protected by his grace; that the worst we have ever received so far are just sightings of tornadoes not so long ago and strong winds that have torn off roofs, toppled trees and cut off electricity (which are subsequently fixed in just a couple of hours/days).

Just like remembering death after life, we need to remember the plight of others so as to remember how good we have it, how blessed we are, how pampered we are and how easy we have it. We need to stop and say, "thank you" and remember that we, no doubt, have it good here.

It is heartwarming to know that millions across the globe have contributed whatever they can to help the families that have suffered in countries like Indonesia that has been hit by earthquakes and in the Philippines that has been inundated by typhoons, flooding and landslides.

As you are sitting comfortably in your chair right now and reading this, please, if you can't spare change or blankets or clothes, please do spare a little prayer to the individuals out there who are sheltering in broken down buildings or in tents huddled with other individuals just like them for warmth.

Please do remember to ask the Almighty to help give them strength, to hold them in His heart, to love them the way He love's us, to protect them and keep them safe..

They are as human as you and I. They need the prayer's of others more than ever..

Please do..

Siti

2009-09-29T06:10:00.000-07:00

A's are coming and it isn't so exciting and I'm sure loads out there are feeling the same way too..

So, the blackout is back. Wonder how everyone else is taking it. On a brighter note, we're cutting down on emission and we're saving the planet! Even if it is involuntarily. Good though, No? Don't complain =). Planet Earth has been so good to us we might as well return the favour. Maybe it's karma for those of us who didn't join in on Earth Hour? Possibility.. or maybe there's a conspiracy behind all this. We may never know *queue X-Files theme music.

Chatting with Amal Nabilah at the moment. I miss her bah =(. and she's so kambang i feel like sitting on her. Hahaha.

Anyway..

Take care lots.

Siti

2009-09-28T03:02:00.000-07:00

A long over-due Hari Raya to all..

Nothing much to say, really..

Just the same old, "Sabar saja.." as wisely phrased by a very wise person.

Heh..

Much Love,

Siti.

2009-09-09T06:22:00.000-07:00

At the end of the day, just before we all go to bed at night, we think of one person and from here, as we drift off and shut down.. we ask ourselves, "Is this one person worth it?"

The next morning the answer will either be, "Of course" or "No. Not today".

Sometimes it's a little bit of both and your at the edge of your bed, pulling on your hair and going, "WHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!!!"

Heh.

The thing I'm trying to convey is a little hard to say because there are no words to express how I feel and that's hard because writing is the only medium I find helpful in releasing all this.. suppressed whatever, you know?

Gahh.. Sigh..

It's like, feeling your heartbreaking piece by piece and realising that you need to walk away but, you just don't have the strength to.. because you can't let your heart break any faster.. so, you wait for it to break slowly to the point you become engulfed in fatigue..

But then again, you need to ask yourself, "how long will it take to heal?".

Sigh.

Siti

2009-09-07T02:14:00.000-07:00

Spent sungkai with my old friends back in PDS last night and it was great..

It's been awhile and am really grateful that we've managed to finally catch up.

Missed you.

Siti

2009-09-05T05:00:00.000-07:00

Sigh (again with the sighing! heh).

For those who know the battle I've been going through knows that deep down inside I am raw in a sense that I feel so incomplete..

Have you ever come across someone so perfect that it is so imperfect?

There is never such a thing as perfection, that I know and it is thoroughly highlighted in this battle between commonsense allied with self-respect and rationalisation versus temptation, desire and love.

It's a little pathetic to acknowledge that I am the type who favours love over everything else. In short, I'm hard-headed and seriously? It'll be the death of me..

Sigh..

The rational mind can never outweigh the hearts' desires let alone wrestle with one's inner turmoils and romantic challenges..

Sigh.

Siti

P.S

If you happen to come across this:

I love you

2009-09-03T02:49:00.000-07:00

I love the people I have arpund me mostly because they teach me the most important live lessons through their wisdom, stories, experiences and their thougts.

One important lesson in particular I've learned so far is to live in the present.

You're prolly going, "Oh, she hasn't tried that?". In all honesty? I thought I was but I've been kidding myself.

I belive that one needs to accept the fact that tomorrow will come, unless ofcourse you die in your sleep but that's a different story. Heh. Moving on..

Tomorrow will come in spite of today being the most horrid day ever. Tomorrow will come and present you with so many other possibilities and all you need to do is trust that tomorrow will not be the same as today, let go of the past, live now and don't worry about the future.

So, what do you do?

Make the most out of what you have, hope and pray. After all, good things come to those who wait, yes? And I think, from here, people develop their characters be it the one who can't wait and wants it NOW or the one who says, "ok, let's wait.. and we shall see."

Personally, I'd rather be the latter and develop the strongest tolerance you can't imagine because patience is a vritue.. and it helps a lot when you find yourself having to deal with those who strum your strings just a little to hard (you know who I'm talking about. Heh).

Anyway, to conclude, I still love life to the fullest. I thank God for today and I pray for a better tomorrow without having to worry about what is to come because I trust that whatever will come will be worth going through..

Love ya'll.

Siti

2009-08-29T06:55:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile since I've said anything proper.

So here goes.

Result's just came out and you know, ain't all bad. There's always November so, here's to us! We'll all be alright =).

Amal's going off to UK in less than a month and we've been catching up, as in a whole bunch of us so that's been fun.

Puasa has been fun too although it's been hard to, you know, lose weight considering the food that most of us pile up at say, around 6ish? Heh.. gluttony gets the best of all of us.

The best I can say is syukur, really =).

Siti

2009-08-17T04:52:00.000-07:00

How shall I start..

Sigh.. (always with the sighing).

it's hard loving someone.. and it's sometimes so much more harder to know that they love you too. of course it's all good and dandy and such but sometimes it's hard because you become afraid of a lot of things..

one thing in particular, for my part, is the fear of losing this one particular person and it's a little hard because he's sorta everything i've been looking for, you know? I guess it's just right guy, wrong person; right person wrong timing that kinda thing.. but I really do, so very much, am head over heels for him..

If you ever stumble upon this, know that I so very much love you. (ugh. the mushyness! hahaha).

Siti

2009-08-07T07:05:00.000-07:00

Gah.

Heh.

Have a good weekend all =).

Siti

2009-08-02T21:18:00.000-07:00

I feel as if I am in a dream..

There is something here in my bubble that has made itself at home next to my common sense and I feel as if I am in a dream..

Sometimes people fantasize.. Sometimes they wish.. Sometimes what they think, what they want can actually come true.. the possibilities are endless.. the possibilities can turn out so very real. The questions are, is worth it? Can it be this real? can you accept it once you realise that it is indeed just a dream; a fairytale of sorts..

As with most fairy tale's they end up.. perfect. what about beyond the fairytale? after the curtains fall and the point of the story has been told? what then? not all fairy tale's go on forever. they do stop. because real life will take over and then what? where do you go? where do you keep your princess crown and glass slipper?

and then what?

Siti

2009-07-25T08:14:00.000-07:00

*Please take note: Writer is not trying to be emo..

I'm not so sure about you guys but I've had a rough day..

I'm grateful that I have people who, I hope, sincerely do care.

But what's more assuring is that that one particular person seems to care. Heh. Don't know lah.. sometimes it's like, you settle for what you have and hope that, come what may, it all turns out the way you want it to turn out.. or the way it's supposed to turn out or.. it turns out the way that's best for you and hope that the best is what you need. But, selfishly? Hopefully it can and will turn out the way you want it to turn out; how you've always fantasized it to be..

Love is a powerful tool..
There will be instances where you find yourself submissively coiled around the apple of your eyes' fingers and dance when they pull the strings that are holding you up like an expert puppeteer. and sometimes you can't help but loathe them immensely or love them immensely passionately. The reason? Because you know that you are most definitely in charge of you but the reality of being able to be controlled mentally and emotionally by another human being is just inconceivable since you have vowed to not give yourself that way again. Ever.

That's just me.

Siti

2009-07-22T04:19:00.000-07:00

I feel like laughing..

I think because.. 21 just sank in and that someone called me a baby last night (which I'm hoping it was meant in a good way). Can't be a 21-year-old baby. pout.

tired..

Siti

2009-07-13T20:56:00.000-07:00

Growing up means having more responsibilities; more challenges; more wins; more losses; more heartaches; more laughter; more rainbows and butterflies; more staying in bed on Sunday mornings because the rain is slowing tapping your rooftop and it's soothing.. You get my gist =).

I will be officially 21 in a few days and I've been kinda caught up in my shoebox of memories and I've noticed that I've been through a lot, as I'm sure you guys have too but of course, our shoe box's are very, very dissimilar perhaps you have more or I have more or we have the same amount but of varied experiences.. heh. the point here is that we grow up differently from other people and sometimes it can be bad and sometimes it can be good.. but most of the time it's balanced..

Turning 21 is a very giant leap for I think most people because it can be considered adulthood despite the fact that "age is a social construct". People see you now as being more mature and that they expect you to be independent and to be out there doing what adults typically do, which is to fend for yourself and think about the future..

Sigh..

Now that I've come to that cross-road, I need to do what adults do and actually look into the future and.. think about what I want to do with myself and everything else that I need to drag along with me..

I think the first thing I should and need to do is to leave my shoebox and start with a new one..

Perhaps it's time to start everything fresh; change my perspectives and be open to all the endless possibilities no matter how hard or painful it can be.

Part of growing up is having to let go of your what's happened to make room for what's going to be..

Sigh..

That'll be hard. Considering..

Siti

2009-07-10T03:30:00.000-07:00

I've revamped my blog *applause* and i like it =). it's a pretty background. Don't you think so? Very mellow.. like one of those Sunday mornings with the rain pit-pattering outside your window..

sigh..

I've been doing a lot of sighing haven't I?
It could be that I'm a bit depressed..
I am a bit depressed i guess..

It's like, you go through things in life and you tend to sift about in hopes you can finally be happy. But as you sift, you tend to shake too hard and you miss out on the good things and they just disappear just like that and you smack yourself in the head and go "Doh!".. I'm not sure what i'm ranting about..

SIIIIGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Siti

2009-07-09T01:58:00.000-07:00

Life has a funny way to balancing itself out..

One minute you are told information that could hurt you.. and the next minute something good is said and it's supposed to make you happy but it doesn't really..

sigh..

Personally i think that we all want to be happy but, like yin and yang, we need to find a balance and in order to achieve this balance life gives us something quiet the opposite and it is how we deal with it that makes us who we are.. and if we are strong enough to cope with what we are presented with then we become that much better as individuals..

another sigh.

I have learned that no matter how many times you climb out of your adversity you are handed with something so much more harder to deal with and it's a little sardonic because, really, how much strength can one person have? how much can one person muster and keep mustering?

Life, you sure are so very, very awesome. Really..

Siti

2009-07-03T03:53:00.000-07:00

It's easy to fall in love with people because all we tend to see initially are the perfections.. and when the imperfections arise we tend to take a step back and go, "Hang on. This isn't you," and take more steps back sometimes to the point where that person just looks like a tiny speck in the distance.

The funny thing about being in love with another person, for the most part, is that we tend to oversee their flaws and love them for who they are unconditionally and this is very noble but, you know what? I say we don't oversee their flaws.

We accept them.

We need to learn to accept the fact that with perfection there are also imperfections.. we shouldn't oversee flaws because in doing so we do not learn how to love unconditionally; we would not find out who the real person is behind the facade.

There is a difference between accepting and overseeing from my point of view.

Accepting means take in as a whole. Overseeing means to look what's beyond and the latter shouldn't have to exist because in reality, if we all oversee their flaws then are we truly honest when we say "i love you for you"?

Heh..

We all want the ones we love to love us for who we are.. i believe we have to do the same for them too..

"Do to others what you would have them do to you."

I'm not sure if i'm making sense. It sounds about right in my head.. heh..
Sorry..

Siti

2009-07-01T03:20:00.000-07:00

I have a headache.

My whole head feels like exploding.
Nyeh..

Hope you all out there who are still in school are rejoicing in the extra week off.
I know i am =).

Siti

2009-06-26T04:50:00.000-07:00

Being fifty.. He was still too young..

May his soul finally find peace. The peace that he has been searching for; the peace that has eluded him for so long..

Here's to one of the best, if not the absolute best artist the world has managed to produce..

Michael Jackson.

2009-06-20T05:42:00.000-07:00

I think we are all familiar with this concept: Things change.

And things really do change, sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse..

When it comes down to it it all boils down to how we handle these changes and in turn how it may effect the changes that are yet to come: good or bad?

Sometimes too much of a good thing can be bad. Heh, how ironic is that? In life we search for good things and it turns out that it can be bad for us.. Like, corruption. As humans we are given every opportunity to succeed in life and even the most strongest among the rest of us can falter.

We read about it everyday. It's talked about all the time. The funny thing is that, personally speaking, I believe people go into things to make things better, which is perhaps why the Almighty has bestowed upon them immense power that can make the world a better place yet we hear about them in the media and how they abuse their power.

Again, like I said, when it comes down to it it is how we handle change and how it can lead to other changes: good.. or bad?

Heh. Sorry,. I'm just going through some stuff..

I want to be outside that void, you know? I don't want to be the one who has to sit there and wait for you to mend because it's not fair for me.. because I am here in all honesty, sincerity..

Sigh..

Siti

2009-06-18T07:14:00.000-07:00

I need to go for a walk..

It's the PMS okay. Bloody mood swings. If I could I'd take it by the collar, shake it around a little bit and tell it to piss off. Isn't it enough that we women have to bleed down there without having to endure this? .

Sigh.. I'm sorry.. I guess I'm just tired..

I learned a new word today and it's imbroglio. Definition? It's "a very confused or complicated situation".

Stumbling upon this word was by chance to be honest. Someone said something and I was looking it up in the dictionary and ta-da! There it was! staring back at me and I'm going, "Yeah. Ok.. Coincidence?". I say this because the person who said the word I was looking up happens to be my imbroglio . I don't know really.. Albert Einstein once said "Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous". So, here I am thinking to myself, "Yes, God.. It is so, so, so very complicated and thank you for reminding me," and I really am appreciative of this reminder because lately I think I've been allowing myself to be strung along a little too far than is allowed and that made me a little too happy, which is kinda scary for a lot of reasons.. and this word - this stumbled-upon-by-chance word - brought me back down to Earth and gently reminded me that I need to be wary with my feelings.. make sure I don't drop myself like I did before because, well, falling down face first and arresting yourself on the pavement really does hurt especially if you get scraped..

I've discovered that I'm a little bit of a cherophobic (fear of gaiety) or fear of being happy and I believe I have reasons for this..

I'm not trying to be Emo or whatever it's just that.. Life has dealt me a number of things making me happy and then just as I was accepting this rare gift life took it back and on a number of occasions I was left standing on the corner of Lonely St and Maybe Next Time Blvd like a jilted lover in the rain without an umbrella and a broken heel.

Again, I'm not saying I'm not appreciative of the things I've been given. I have a lot to be thankful for and I don't forget what I have been blessed with but my statement here is that I am afraid of being happy because I cannot stand the pain of losing it.. therefore I tend to shun/run away from/be afraid of anything that can make me remotely happy especially in the guise of other people.. because hey, people always leave, right? And I have had to learn this the hard way in more ways than one..

I am afraid to admit that I have fallen in love because it has been.. an imbroglio and succumbing to my emotions will most definitely do me in and I don't think I have the strength for that anymore.. I can't go and pick myself up again and again. So I am here now within this moment in time being in denial of my feelings and either way it still hurts..

I think that knowing what the future brings will help ease this thing inside my already worn out heart but unfortunately we can't know the future.. and maybe we aren't supposed to (as I have stated in an earlier post).

But, you know, a glimpse into the unknown would help in a lot of ways..
Sigh..

Signing off..

Siti

2009-06-17T02:37:00.000-07:00

Let's see.. Where shall I start..

As of June 18, 2009 I will officially be a month's away from turning 21 and *counts* 30 days away from going to KL. KAY ELL!!!! Haha. So very excited =).

I'm not sure about all you other ladies out there but I keep a calendar of my "monthly cycle" and a little over a week from now I'm expecting my monthly visitor. And when i say monthly visitor I mean the thing if missed that month some girls will go "Oh, fuck" and.. well, panic. True, kan? Don't lie lah.. Nah, see.. senyum.. Senyum lagi sikit.. there we go.. Haha.

Anyway, with relevance to what was stated above, I'm a little hormonal and I have this urge to eat whatever I can get my grubby little hands on.. and right now I want cookies =(. Cooookiiieeee.. try saying that like the vampire on Sesame Street. Altogether now! Coooookieeee. Mu Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha...

Was watching this TV show earlier on Hallmark - Human Trafficking - and the ending was actually quiet ok.. most of the girls were rescued and such and such.. and then i started crying. stupid hormones. Same thing happened last month while i was watching this tv Ad for Jon & Kate plus 8.. sekali the kids were just having a good time and i started crying. pfft! Heh.. It's all good..

Anyway.. See you guys around. Take care ya'll..

Muchos Love!

Siti

2009-06-13T05:41:00.000-07:00

I'm thinking of what to say but I'm not sure if I have anything to say, really.

It's fundamentally simple but at the same time it's kinda hard to say.. you know? I think what I'm referring to is that I'm at a loss for words..

It's been an interesting week really and it's left me a little.. confused/happy/sad/that much more confused/overwhelmed and such and such..

I think that part of growing up is having to learn how to deal with things like these and (my hormones are speaking by the way) it's sad in a way because I'm feeling a little lost (that word again!). Heh.. but nonetheless the journey getting where I need to go and be at is interesting and it's building me from the bottom up and it's.. all good, i think despite the roller-coaster, turbulent week downs.. I love life the way it's supposed to be loved and I'm content.. Content.

It's been good.. Thank you..

Siti

2009-06-09T09:26:00.000-07:00

Life's.. heh. Don't want to jinx it =)..

It's all good so far, you know? we're all good.

Sigh..

Please don't mind me while i bask in all this goodness..
Slipping away now..

Siti

2009-05-30T08:11:00.000-07:00

Integrity, honesty, resilience.. patience.

I may not be as important as I'd like to be but I've feelings too..

Just thought you'd like to know.
So, please, stop it. It hurts. You are hurting me. Right down to the core you are hurting me.

Siti

2009-05-30T07:28:00.000-07:00

I'm ok today. hahaha. PMS, no? ladies? can i get a holla? hahah.

Sorry to the men who have to deal with our mood swings. but you love us anyway, kan? =). come on.. admit itt.. nah tu,senyum! eleh.. eksen saja tu inda suka.. hahaha.

Night lovelies.

Siti

PS: I'm sorry.. and i miss you terribly.

2009-05-29T03:06:00.000-07:00

Ever had one of those moments? Where you're sitting there and suddenly you cry for no apparent reason and after that you feel so raw inside it hurts and all you want to do is cry some more..

I think this is what I'm going through right now.. and i feel so raw inside and it hurts horribly.

I'm trying to rebuild this wall I've managed to maintain but somewhere along the way I got tired and now it's just there my wall.. on the ground and slowly disintegrating and being forgotten.. and there you are.. appearing as my wall is falling apart.. and i'm here just staring at it going "fine, crumble then" and i'm so close to walking away and just.. leave it like that and never come back for it..

Sigh..

Siti

2009-05-27T02:45:00.000-07:00

There are many things that we can never understand..

Why we trust the one's we love..
Why we say the things we do..
Why we do the things we may later regret..

We can never begin to understand these things perhaps because we were never meant to understand. If we did.. we may never do the things we do..

We walk in blind circles most of the time and trip over the mistakes we make, get up again just to walk into walls..

We may never understand these things because these things were never meant to be understood. If we did.. we may never want to jump head in first..

We open ourselves to the world and allow ourselves to be vulnerable and we may never understand why. If we did.. we may never know what the world has to offer..

The most mysterious entity that we may never fathom, personally, is why we allow ourselves to hurt; why we let ourselves succumb to whatever that may hurt..

Perhaps if we understood.. we may never be able to use the term "I'm only human".

Maybe it's good to not understand because it allows us to be surprised, appreciate, love, cherish the possibilities and this gives us the courage to dive in head first into the unknown.. into the tunnel to eventually find that light all of us are after..

2009-05-24T02:33:00.000-07:00

Hey All..

Hope your weekend was okay..

Much Love,

Siti

2009-05-16T04:00:00.000-07:00

I am strangely elated but at the same time.. a little heartbroken.. It's sardonic being here.. having you way over there. It has come to the point where i want to cry and cry and cry and cry.. because of all things i want to be for you and knowing that i probably can't be unless you actually allow me to be.. and that hurts..

That.. over-whelming yearning to say those daunting three words..

Sigh..

If only, you know? I would in a heartbeat and encompass you in everything i can give and make you happy in any possible way..

Siti

2009-05-13T05:22:00.000-07:00

Being left vulnerable gives others the opportunity to get to know you and what you can offer them.. It can be both a gift and a curse in a sense that you are open to new possibilities emotionally be it the good kind or the painful kind. Through this vulnerability we learn a lot of things such as knowing when to step back and knowing when to take that leap of faith and just jump straight into the unknown.. and that's what's so alluring.. the fact that we don't know - the finding out bit.. because of all the possibilities..

We can all love with all we have.. but we need to understand the consequences and have to be responsible for what we do because, lets face it, in the face of adversity or otherwise, we are alone and we need to stand up for ourselves and go "Ok, I'm ready" and do what you need to do to make it work for you..

Siti

2009-05-08T06:54:00.000-07:00

I found myself waking up to the thought of you this morning. Every morning for the past few weeks actually and it’s a little draining because I think about you all the time throughout the whole day and getting to see you so close makes it even more hard to get to sleep because.. I don’t want to have you living in my subconscious anymore since it hurts so very much.

I was reading this book earlier and the author was saying how individuals and their problems start with “I met this person and we fell in love”. She used the term “brooding”. Brooding over that someone we’ve lost.

And she went on for a while and it seems that for the most of us this emotion we call “love” govern our well-being, our train of thought, our judgment, our waking hours, our dreams and everything else that constitutes as our everyday even in times of hardship..

It’s a little daunting really. Anyone who’s anyone will always tell you to “get over it” but sometimes we don’t really understand what it’s like. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again: it hurts. Full stop.

At this very moment I have a gaping hole in my heart and somehow a placard has made residence next to this empty space saying “To let for free to whoever (not really) but preferable you”.

Sometimes when I think about you I want to puke/cry/scream/laugh and do whatever to help this emptiness go away but like that old saying goes ‘time heals all wounds’. And I do feverishly believe in this it’s just that I can’t wait for time to help heal me because I’m not strong enough to stand the pain of you being in my head and I so cannot stand the pain of you standing outside the door of my heart and just staring demonically at the sign with that smug look on your face. Just pick it up why don’t you? The placard I mean and burn it and hang “home sweet home” next to the door and reside forever and ever in this shell I’ve been busy fixing just for you.

2009-05-07T07:01:00.000-07:00

It takes a lot of trust, faith and courage to fall in love with someone because.. I believe it has to come naturally, you know? Like the way the sun sets, how the stars shine at night.. When birds spread their wings and decide to fly high into the sky.. The person you fall in love with should make you feel like you can fly – that you can do the impossible..

I am a true romantic at heart but I do realise that there are no such things as happy fairytale endings and unicorns. All it is that I am looking for is someone who I can trust, to have the faith and courage to fall in love with and live like that for as long as possible because being in love is perhaps the most addictive drug the world could never produce because this emotion is, to me, priceless and nothing could ever top this..

It’s funny that most of us react to being in love the same way we react to being scared – sweaty palms, dilated pupils – and the most common one I think we’re all familiar with that is not being able to think straight when we’re looking into that person’s eyes, suddenly losing the capacity to form proper sentences to the point where we tend to mess up our name by accident..

As I am listening to this Kaskade song (I've mentioned this in my earlier post) I'm thinking about you and it's making me cry a little bit because it's making me miss you.. making me want to ask you and tell you so many things.. and I can't do that because I fear I might actually push you away rather than you being here, you know? haha. I sound like a pathetic twat..

But yeah.. I do miss you..

The hardest part is the not knowing bit.. and i want/need to know..
So, if you could.. please..

Siti

2009-05-07T05:18:00.000-07:00

In Love. And he makes me smile. Full stop.

Heh. Screw this shit..

Siti

2009-05-07T02:46:00.000-07:00

I'm suffering from separation anxiety (if i can call it that). Sigh.. I'm sorry for being this way. I just can't help it because I'm only human topped with the fact that I'm very sensitive, which makes me so very aware of my emotions..

This is me and if you aren't so fond of it please don't continue.. It'll just piss you off..

Hasrah introduced me to this song and I love it. I L-O-V-E IT. It's called Steppin Out (late night alumni slow dance remix) by Kaskade and it's absolutely gorgeous. The sound, the music, the lyrics.. I think, for me, this song is perfect in every sense because it kinda sums up what it's like for me right now emotionally. Now that I think about it this song could be the reason for my emotionalness lately.. Sigh.. None the less I still love it.. download ia =). maybe you'll like it too..

PS: I miss you.. and i loathe you for it.

Siti

2009-05-05T05:17:00.000-07:00

Spent an hour with a beloved aunt this morning (i know you're reading this. hahah) and it was interesting a very fun sort of way. I think liking to talk is genetic.. most of us in the family seem to love talking. This one particular story she told kept me smiling the whole day. Thanks for that =).

Anyway.. I think i've been thinking too much coupled with the fact that i've recently learned to do cross-eye (crazy-eyes as dubbed by Lance) and was doing that most of the night last night in-lieu of not having anything to entertain myself with and ended up with me having this sordid headache.. I think it's karma for not doing my homework. heh.. yes, will get right on it as soooooooooooooooonnnn... Eh! Look! a BIRD!! hahah. anywaaay~ am seriously hoping my head'll feel better by tomorrow..

I think i should over-haul my blog template.. it's been this way since forever and 'tis so, so uncool.. optimistically, however, it just shows that i'm content with my selection's in life and shows how committed i am to something. haha. (yes, keep telling yourself this. we all know how much of a loser you are). I'm just lazy.. inda pulang.. but yeah. i just am..

anyway, my head is about to explode and will catch up with you all later.. otay?

Papaii~

Siti

2009-05-02T08:36:00.000-07:00

We were all born pure as the whitest silk..

I am a strong and avid believer in fate and.. we are the survivors of this because as we all know be it through the hard way of the easy way, it isn't all red roses, unicorns and butterflies.. If it is to you, then you suck. heh..

I mean, of course there are those good days where everything just goes your way and then there are days where you just want to grab life by the collar, shake it around a little bit and ask "WHY???!!" because whatever's happening in that moment doesn't make sense despite the fact that you've tried harder than anyone else to live life by the book and yet it comes back to nip you in the ass, runs away and leaves you bleeding..

It's so funny.. life can be your bestfriend and it can be your worst enemy but entah.. it's so hard to explain because i'm guessing it's each individual's experience that enhances how they see life..

Entah eh.. naleh ku banarnya.. haha.

Night.

Siti

2009-04-25T06:04:00.000-07:00

Been wanting to post this up but never really got the chance..

Here we go..

Was reminiscing about a whole bunch of stuff the other day and what left the biggest impression were the people who I've come across over the past few years.

They flitted in and out of my thoughts like butterflies appearing out of no where, landing in front of you and disappeared with the wind and as I thought about it some more it occurred to me that these people played a vital role in my life in about every aspect imaginable.

Here's the gist: I have recently made amazing new friends over the past year after five years of living in the shadow of someone else and these gorgeous people have helped me make so many decisions I could never have fathomed had I never met them.

Fate is written in this huge book and each individual has this book and with the power of free-will we are presented with the opportunity to choose which path to take and this domino effect will take place and in some ways the rest of your life will start each and every time a domino falls.

See, i used to believe that we are presented with situations and whether we choose to entertain them is a matter of you and fate. Now, i believe that it is a matter of you, fate and the people you trust because, let's face it, two, three, four and so on heads are better than one and these people are there to help us open our eyes and see the bigger picture and only then will it be you and fate.

These people who I have allowed to step into my bubble have been the emotional support I've been missing and have chosen to ignore most probably because of my stubbornness (which i think will be the death of me one day), my naivety, my immaturity and such and such.

Anyway, after allowing them in they have acted as my emotional crutches who the Almighty has blessed me with and they were there, you know? Holding me up, picking me up and supported me til the universe is sure that i can stand on my own two feet, be it barely or just enough. (I say 'barely' and 'just enough' because i have come to realise that though these emotional crutches are there when i need them, i need to understand that they will not be there for me all the time thus the need to learn to stand on my own if i want to survive this thing we call 'life'.)

It was hard at first and adapting to being alone was a real struggle once I was weaned from this support but after surviving all the emotional trauma I made it, you know? And now the quote "what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger" rings true in my diary of fate, struggle, survival, hope and trust.

The funny bit is this: These people they come and go and it's sad really having to see them leave but i believe that this happens for a reason.

If you read this i'm assuming you were/are/have been thinking of a number of people who who've lost contact with or has touched you (no pun intended) in some ways that have affected you and your life and your perspective.

The universe is the greatest teacher and it teaches in so many ways be it the rock you throw in the water or the bird poo you find on your car.. it teaches us something be it significant or otherwise.

With friends, the universe teaches us how to accept, love, hurt, experience, forgive, forget, live, life, laugh, cry, think, learn, watch, see, realise, ponder and the list goes on and on and on and most importantly, most often than not, our friends (and strangers too) teach us how to grow up. They come with a purpose if you let them present their case and they leave for reasons we may never understand but the footprints they leave on the shores of our hearts, soul and mind are forever there and they mix with all the other footprints of those who have previously walked our beaches and we learn..

Once the universe realises you are grown up it takes away your crutches and encourages you to walk on your own for a little bit and when it sees that you are staggering it lets you fall, helps you up and gives you brand new crutches and the learning, healing, understanding, having to be patient process repeats itself and you become stronger only if you want to be strong again. If you don't want to pick yourself up, accept the challenge and fight the weakness it kinda sends you into this whirlpool of devastation, destruction and unimaginable damage. Never say no to a challenge otherwise you'll destroy yourself..

The greatest thing about this higher power is that it accepts you at your strongest and most importantly it accepts you at your weakest and the stubbornness you possess and loves you anyway with all its heart, mind, soul, patience and asks "Are you ready now? If you aren't we can do this another day." and if you aren't ready it'll say "Alright, let me know when you are and you can take back these crutches and we can start from the beginning."

I'm not sure if I'm making any sense.. Heh. But please, do leave comments on this.. would really like the feedback..

Much love,

Siti

2009-04-20T06:38:00.000-07:00

Sigh.

I think that, up till yesterday, i was content with living by the mantra "one day at a time" kinda thing but something snapped (and i thoroughly believe it's PMS) and i kinda lost it and allowed my feelings to swim in this pool of dark, thick confusion and it wasn't that much fun..

Sigh..

This close to being done..

Siti

2009-04-17T06:20:00.000-07:00

Heh.. sigh..

It's a little overwhelming being here because.. it just is. here as in, at this moment.. thinking of the what will become and i think the butterflies are restraining themselves..

I don't know if i should laugh.. feel like giggling.. or scream. It's confusing..

Heh..

funnyyyyy...

Siti

2009-04-15T08:45:00.000-07:00

Was holding my the temple of my head between my index fingers just before typing this entry just thinking about what to say but i just couldn't find the right words to express this.. thing i'm feeling.

I think it's a mixture of rage, hate, self-pity, self-loathing, spitefulness, sadness and all those things neatly wrapped in a very, very attractive little box tied with a bloody ribbon.
Maybe it's just one of those days..
Maybe i'm being delirious or perhaps i'm just trying to make myself feel better but I've this gut feeling that it'll be a better day when the sun comes up in a few hours.. Sigh.. i feel better already =).

I've grown over the past few months.. I've learnt not to bawl over the little things and decide that there'll be a day when i will eventually let it all out.. i'm not sure if this is a good thing but.. i think it is. Heh. i've learnt to be stronger mentally and emotionally on so many levels.. Learnt that there are days when things will be shitty but it'll pass..

The most important thing that i've learnt so far.. is to.. let go without hatred; love unconditionally with reservations (because giving it your all is sometimes not the wisest thing to do); realising that with every sun rise things will and do eventually get better; come night fall be thankful for what's been given and so on and so forth..

I need to say this:

I love my life.. despite the downs i do love my life without question because i have come to face the fact that it is no doubt the greatest teacher and it has taught me so many things that i may not find useful now but will be in the building of what is to become my fate, choices, decisions and future..

I love my life because it makes me happy and it helps make my smile brighter than the brightest star..

I love it because I know it loves me.. I know all it wants is the best for me and by giving me things i need to deal with and fight with it is teaching me how to grow up with experiences that'll build me from my core and eventually mold me into someone who can do so many things like.. forgiving without repercussions..

Sigh..

Life, you do amaze me so..

Siti

2009-04-13T05:50:00.000-07:00

It kinda breaks my heart now when i think about it, you know?

all those lost promises and things like that..

who would've thought it would end this way? i do realise that.. there aren't such things as fairytale beginnings nor endings but, in the middle of the night whilst staring at the empty ceiling, i do think about you and what could've been if we did forever-happen kinda thing.

I'd like to say that i'm sorry.. perhaps it is my loss and i'm willing to live with that if needs to be..

Sigh..

Maybe this is the dreary weather talking but sometimes, for what it's worth, I do miss you..

Much love,
Siti

2009-04-09T08:43:00.000-07:00

Six minutes to midnight and i'm still in the office trying to figure stuff out..

and, i've a tummy ache..

nooo. i'm not complaining.. just, venting out.. i'm still grateful for the other things in life. try not to judge me.. pweaseeeee,, i'm only human =).

blah..

night..

siti

2009-04-07T07:25:00.000-07:00

Looking back at my earlier posts.. damn, I'm so ungrateful. Heh..

I have a lot to be thankful for, really.. such as the greatest friends any person can ask for. The kind of people who you know you'll stick with for life even if it means living in a cardboard box on some highway with 28 cats. Kan, Far? Haha. I miss you lah.. Syafiq also..

Sigh..

"Ain't no mountain high, ain't no valley low~"

I think I'm just going to leave it at that - ending this entry on a high note.. don't need no more shit cluttering, which of course is an absurd lie.. hahaha.

Anyway..

Joy to the world!!!!

x's and o's baby!
Here we go.

Siti

MUUUUUUUUUUAAAAHH!!

2009-03-28T04:48:00.000-07:00

I think I'm battling with a mild bout of depression. I think. Can't be too sure yet. Or perhaps I'm just exaggerating, I can't be too sure.

What I'm sure of is that I hate this. Feeling this way, you know? That mixture of desperation, longing, loneliness. If I could I'd buy myself a huge crate and stay there till whenever and not come out till I've managed to overcome this pathetic, silly, minimal existence of mine because I HATE IT.

Fuck this shit to the very core of everything.

Just fuck this shit.

Siti

2009-03-20T06:09:00.001-07:00

Waking up every morning is getting a little heavier these days. Not just because of sleeping late and having to go to school in the morning.. it just feels heavy, you know?

and then.. ironically i feel empty..

like swollowing this big jug of whatever..

Sigh..

I need a break =(.

Siti

2009-03-17T05:24:00.000-07:00

Sigh.. I have a pimple on my forehead possibly the size of a pea.

As with most of you am so very tired.. I know, I know.. I shouldn't and needn't be so shallow but really, I'm drained from the roots of my hair to the end of my toe nails. Oh please, please, PLEASE!!! can tomorrow and the day after and the day after that come ANY faster?? Please? =(. I'll be good I promise..

I just need that sunrise that'll bring better looking clouds and a bluer sky, you know?

That's all I'm asking for, really..

Excuse my French but fuck this.
Fuck fuck fuck this.

Sigh.. I'm sorry, I didn't mean that..

Have you ever been through that? That heavy feeling at the bottom of your tummy? The heavy heart and messy mind full of thoughts that keep colliding with one another like a montage of bad family and passport photos?

The choking feeling you have in your throat, which you need to cry out otherwise you'd just.. implode on yourself and.. lose all hope..

Sigh..

If I'd permit myself i'd weep all over Farey's keyboard.. but i won't because she'd kill me. Heh..

Siti

2009-03-15T07:38:00.001-07:00

The first quarter of the year is coming to a close and am waiting with anticipation for the second quarter of the year, which is in April *counts. yes, April. heh..

It's been tiring these past three months. This month in particular has been emotionally and mentally draining. If given the chance I wouldn't want to come back to March of 2009. Sigh..

I know i'm being vague. I'd rather not mention all the better-not-mentioned aspects of my life because.. it's pointless really having to re-live these things. Wait. No, not pointless. Stupid is a better term. Unimaginably stupid.

Have you ever had those days where you can't really face it? the day i mean. can't face the day.. you wake up one morning and say to yourself "Can tomorrow come faster? please? please??". It's been like that for me for the past few weeks and i'm not sure how i've been pulling it off. sometime's it feels as if i'm just waiting for night to come and then morning and night again. Literally one day at a time..

It's been heavy, you know? dealing with all this. i'm just grateful for the people who are here to help me through this; those with enough patience to listen to me rant, cry, complain.. You guys know who you are and i pray that your sincere being there for me will be blessed with all the goodness the world can provide..

Sigh..

Here's to another day..
Here's to a new day..
Here's to the day when happiness decides to come knocking at my door and smother me with it's existence.

Siti

2009-03-09T08:33:00.000-07:00

i'm nauseated with grief and i just want to throw up till i can't do it no more *plays background music* heh.. Sigh..

Help me.. please..

First of all though, sorry if i make typos.. can't really help it.. and can't be bothered to spell check and whatever..

thinking back on the event's that have occurred over the past few days, weeks, months and perhaps years it has made me realise that the things we choose to do and the things we have chosen not to do and will continue to not do and will do will inspire the people we come to be..

the thing's i have done in my life have encouraged me to grow up a little faster than my peers and currently i feel as if i'm bloody 50 both in mind and soul and it's a little tiring.

we all go through this phase a few times in our lives or maybe perhaps more than just a few times - the dread of not knowing what tomorrow will bring, the anxiety from waiting what tomorrow will bring and the torturous (maybe i'm exaggerating) ordeal when tomorrow finally comes. but all in all, we live it because we can't really stay in bed the whole day and not face the world because, well.. bed sores aren't much fun to deal with, really.

maybe it isn't so bad.. this thing we dearly know as 'life'. or maybe it is.. maybe i'm just being morose.. maybe it's the tiredness.. maybe.. maybe i should stop thinking because it's starting to.. get a little boring? maybe.. maybe i should replace 'maybe' with 'perhaps'.. give this little piece of article some 'class'. wait, i had a point... which is kinda lost *furrows brow*. ahhh.. technicalities of thinking..

One day at a time =)..

Siti

2009-03-07T06:51:00.000-08:00

Living is a great teacher because it teaches you a whole mess of things without event trying..

it teaches you how to be strong and walk with your head held up high, ready to face life with the courage, integrity and passion..

it teaches you a lot even if you don't want to learn the lessons it brings to your door step..

for me, the most important life lesson so far is to never give your all when falling in love. a reservation made only for you, for you to love yourself is as important as loving someone else, because, really, no one can love you as much as you love you. I don't know if i'm making any sense at all but this is just my input from the turbulent experience that i've been going through..

Love has packed its bag, left and never turned back.. and the funny thing is that i never called for it to stay.. It hurts, however. it hurts like bloody murder but yet i can't seem to cry.. but i will for sure one day let it all out and allow the dam to burst and flood my entire bathroom floor as i recollect of all those missed opportunities and the things that could have been, should have been and would have been if i did fight for what i believe is the most strongest emotion that could ever exist; if only i fought for this sacred and illusive, rare and abundant emotion we all come to know as "Love".

might as well, you know? Love leaving like that because i know i wasn't doing it anything good.. i think i was caught up with discovering myself that i've neglected it to the point where we were hurting each other like bee sting's all over your sensitive parts. It was THAT painful.. maybe it's more painful now but i can't be too sure because i haven't fully discovered and experience that impending hurt and have to yet let myself feel that way.

for what it's worth, and i do hope that it's worth a lot, i'm so very sorry Love.. i do fully appreciate your presence and the strength you've given me, the courage you've bestowed upon me, the warmth you've generously wrapped me in on those cold days and nights and the patience you've had to musted to deal with me. But i'm guessing i have to wait for you to return.. maybe not in the same form as when you left but in another form entirely.. whichever or however it turns out you're always welcomed.. mi casa es su casa. you're welcomed to stay for as long as you want to.. just as long as you stay because you want to and not because you feel as if you need to.

believe me, i'm not trying to be all emotional or anything of the sort.. i think i just need to express my feelings through the medium i've been accustomed to - writing. you may leave if you want to but if you decide to stay then thanks for listening =). very much appreciated.

i'm only human, afterall, and i do have my flaws and lately all i can do is think and feel and not cry because i think crying is a weakness reserved only for those who need a form of release.. and i don't think i'm ready for that yet.. because i think that if i were to let go i'll cry and cry and cry till i bleed from my eyes..

like i said, it does hurt but i can't give in to that yet because.. i'm not ready to face reality and i think and know that me being this way is stupid on so many levels.. but like i said, i'm just not ready yet.. and i do so badly want to cry it hurts.. but i can't yet..

Siti

2009-02-27T06:56:00.000-08:00

Hi hi.

It's been a while.. so, how are ya'll? fine? no? here's hoping for the former.

2009, so far, isn't all it's hyped up too be but there have been few great moments.. then.. there are the not-so-great moments. but of course, all in moderation to keep us all in check..

Myeh..

Tera~

Siti

2009-02-07T06:34:00.000-08:00

Sigh.

It hurts to know that someone has walked out on you..
I'm not trying to be morose or emo or whatever but.. I'm just a little heartbroken and.. if you're reading this I'm sorry..

What's important is that you know that I do love you. Heaps and heaps..
and i'll be here waiting.

Siti

2009-01-31T05:08:00.000-08:00

It's funny how we, as human beings with emotions and shitty things like that, take for granted the things we are given in life such as health, someone to love, someone to love us, someone to take care of our wants and needs.

It's pretty amazing/pathetic how we tend to not see the greter things in life and always, ALWAYS focus on the bad things that go our way.. Again, it shows how much of ingrates we are.

Sigh..

and i am no exception to this category. i admit, i am an ingrate and i'm not proud of it. sigh..

and if you happen to read this, i am so very sorry and do know that i love you..

Now i know..

Siti

2009-01-26T02:21:00.000-08:00

First of all: Gong Xi to those who celebrate. May this year be prosperous for you.. being the year of the Ox and such..

That's about it i guess. I do apologize if am seeming a little morose..

Siti

2009-01-19T07:25:00.000-08:00

There isn't much to say, really.

It's funny how we tend to be careless and you know, fuck things up unintentionally.
Like the Gaza war that's been dominating the news headlines recently. Who fucked that up, yea?

Life..

Throughout my existence I've learned that trust is over-rated and there is only so much a person is allowed to have. For example, you eating the last of that chocolate in the fridge knowing that someone entrusted you with it to keep it out of other people's jaws. The Malay term i think is "Harapkan pagar, pagar makan padi".

I believe that we as humans are allowed to make mistakes. But the question is, to what extent are we allowed to make them? Is it to the extent of getting caught with your mouth full of the forbidden chocolate? or getting caught with a heart full of forbidden love? Heh.. the latter is a little.. cliche but i think you get my point.

Sigh..

Throughout my 20 year's of existence I've learned that thing's happen because we let them happen. We are given free-will and are allowed to decide. The answers are easy: Yes and No. Yeah.. the answers are easy but the decision making can be a real pain. "No, thou shalst not devour the chocolate because 'tis not yours to indulge," or "Yes, thou shalst indulge because thou is greedy! thou is human!". Heh. yes, pathetic, i know. but being you, being human, you make mistakes, right?

Looking back at what I've just said, i think that the term "I'm only human" is a very pathetic excuse to get out of trouble. I know because I've used it countless of times and.. it doesn't really get me out of trouble. Ha. I just don't have the balls to own up to the things I've done because.. I never really think of the consequences.. because.. I'm only human. Haha. There i go again..

Sigh..

Life, aren't thou awesome?

Siti

2009-01-10T03:50:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the no resizing of the photo. Am just very, very lazy..

This is Egg.

This was Egg..

Time of death: approximately 12ish midnight..

Cause of death: suicide.
Location: Office floor.

"May his yellow soul rest in peace" - Farey.

hahaha.

Siti

2009-01-09T04:55:00.000-08:00

Erna's there *points* translating my English appeal letter to Malay and i feel so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, SO bad because she's not letting me help her and the fact that she isn't obliged to help me.. I so very much owe her.

So anyway, yes. me along with about a hundred other students are appealing to go back to Maktab Duli because of a number of reasons..

and yes, this is an indicator that the Katok centre isn't all it's cracked up to be despite the nicely done architecture.

Sakit kepala ku.

Sigh..

this and PMS-ing definitely does so not help.

Siti

2009-01-03T07:01:00.000-08:00

Please forgive me for delaying this. So here goes:

HAPPY 2009!! (belated or what have you).

May all of you have a prosperous, happier, richer in all aspects and all things related to whatever anyone has said to you about the New Year (the nice comments, of course).

Much love from

Siti

PS: SCHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLL!!! *sobs*.

Hahaha. Muah!

x'sando's.

2008-12-26T07:02:00.000-08:00

I don't know what to say, really..

So very tired because of a lot of things, which includes the chocolates and pasta and.. i think life in general.

I'm so very confused..... lethargic? Maybe.. haha.

Night.

x's and o's.

Siti

Amy Winehouse - Love is a Losing Game.

2008-12-25T06:37:00.000-08:00

For you I was a flame
Love is a losing game
Five story fire as you came
Love is a losing game

One I wish I never played
Oh what a mess we made
And now the final frame
Love is a losing game

Played out by the band
Love is a losing hand
More than I could stand
Love is a losing hand

Self professed... profound
Till the chips were down
...know you're a gambling man
Love is a losing hand

Though I'm rather blind
Love is a fate resigned
Memories mar my mind
Love is a fate resigned

Over futile odds
And laughed at by the gods
And now the final frame
Love is a losing game

Eerily comforting. Heh =).

Am liking it to the fullest..

Much love,

Siti

2008-12-08T05:11:00.001-08:00

Pretty much a turbulent past week and.. Heh. Sigh.. you know how it is..

Went to Temburong with Farey and Syafiq and a bunch of Singaporean school kids and it was shit awesome. There was quarreling between Syafiq and myself and Farey was THIS close to kicking me because i flicked her ass to ask if she wanted something to eat. Heh.. 'twas all good. Will post pictures when ada chance.

Sigh.

So anyway..

I'm off..

Siti

2.12.08

2008-12-02T01:58:00.000-08:00

It's a particularly good day today and I'm actually loving it.
I believe it has something to do with the weather; very mellow and laid-back and i am so, so, so, so, soo loving it.

Sigh =).

Day's like these are the one's to savour the most..

All the love everyone.

So much love,

Siti

Shy that way by Jason Mraz feat Tristan Prettyman

2008-12-01T02:44:00.000-08:00

You know you're stunning
You're absolutely stunning
And I'm running, I'm always running
And now I'm crying
It's only 'cause I'm caring
And if you were more daring
Maybe you'd stop staring
And come over and talk to me
Tell me 'bout how you've been waiting so patiently
And how you tried, but I just turned away
And I'll say yeah well you know,
I'm shy that way
Shy that way
Maybe I’m shy that way

Currently loving this song.

Siti

2008-11-23T04:50:00.000-08:00

It can be very hard sometimes to draw the line between reality and fantasy and between reality and dreams.

Sometimes, the reality is that we cannot always get what we want, how we want it and when we want it. The fantasy is that we always get what we want, how we want it and when we want it and because of this thin line between these two things we sometimes do not realise what we do and who we step on just to get what we desire. This, in turn, creates the term we all dearly know as "asshole".

We all come across these sorts of people. Like the unreasonable customer at the check-out counter who insists that the price of one egg is 50cents because "that's the price in the bloody advert!" in which the advert was a week ago. See, the fantasy here is that she WILL get her 50cent egg but in reality, she's just a cheap hag who can't be bothered to check the date on the advert.

Heh..

At one point in our lives, I guess we sometimes become blinded by the harshness of what true life gives us - such as the fact that the ice-cream in the fridge you've been craving for the whole day has frozen over and only hell's fire can thaw it - and that we coat these harsh things by blaming it on other people but oneself - and you blame your brother for fooling around with the fridge a few days ago, which explains why the ice-cream is no longer edible - but in reality, no one really is to blame because, let's face it, people make mistakes all the time due to the fact that no one's perfect and that people do slip things up unintentionally. I think that the right term for these scenarios has been dubbed "the Egoistic side of an individual".

Which brings me to my next point. Saying 'sorry'.

Maybe next time.. Kinda tired. Heh..

Later beautifuls.

Siti

Ps: Hope you wankers had a good weekend.

Muchos love!!

xoxox.

2008-11-19T01:52:00.000-08:00

Status: wanting to scream.

Reason: all the little shits in life.

Conclusion: Smother feelings till God knows when and eventually breakdown, cry my heart out and think "Damn it! snot everywhere!"

Ahhh. Life. How awesome you truly are.

Siti

2008-11-16T03:20:00.000-08:00

We wake up every day and anticipate what the future holds for us.

We don't really know what we'll find beyond the next corner, you know? Be it a 10$ bill or a stranger who will change your life forever..

I used to believe that today will happen like how yesterday played - Wake up, do whatever, go home and go to bed. But lately things have been so different..it starts off the same but every night, just before i get home and go to bed, some minute thing is either added, deleted or altered..

I'm talking about the emotions and the personal demons I've had to fend off for the past few weeks and, and, and..yeaahh. It's an on-going battle. More like a struggle, really. but hey, can't really complain..you write your own fate.

Now that i think about it..these 'minute' things have given me this new perspective on life and how we can live it..

One day at a time..

Siti

2008-11-13T07:16:00.000-08:00

Longing..

Sigh.

Longing for another touch; the all-too-familiar scent..

Sitting around, thinking of you and the next time we meet sends me into this turmoil of never ending yearning - like a child waiting to feel his first touch of wet grass after a rainy afternoon.

Your presence overwhelms me.

The urge to look away when i drift into the state of mind i fight hard to not indulge in..overwhelms me.

But, i know you're there. Just beyond the glass wall - you're there. I want nothing more but to reach over and bring you close but, Heh..it's like trying to land on the Sun - impossible.

Realising how naive it is pushes me into this wave of fixation that most call 'reality'. And when it hits, it hits oh so very hard to the point where drowning and letting go plays like a broken record in my head as it crawls out of my subconscious mind.

Maybe it's nothing more than just a passing..

But now..picking up and moving on is almost close to being hard.

Siti

2008-11-01T06:24:00.000-07:00

I was (and still is) reading A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini and i got to this part where the Heroin learns that her childhood friend/lover/bestfriend has died in hospital after enduring a few weeks of pain brought by this missle that hit his refugee truck. It's a long story..you should read it if you've the time. It really, really, really is good.

so anyway, i was reading it and the way he wrote the ordeal and how he managed to bring the book to a climax within that chapter makes the book a good piece for reading. i swear to god i've never been so moved in my entire life by someone's literature. a must read *thumbs up*.

it also brought me to the attention of not realising how much i've - rather, we've - been blessed and sheltered from the real world; financial crisis, war, inflation, recession, things like that and it STILL and will continue to surprise me how much most of us just don't care for everything else besides ourselves and how much we like to immerse our everydays in selfishness and foolery. I know i rant about this ALL. THE. BLOODY. TIME. and i'm not saying i'm any different but..I'd just like to remind everyone out there that things can get worse and before it does, we should all be grateful for the things we have now before it's too late.

Sigh..

Love to the people.

Siti

2008-10-31T04:34:00.000-07:00

The sun was setting over the horizon and it illuminated the sky with an orange intensity. The once blue ocean now looked like it was covered with pale-red sparkling diamonds.

The sea breeze kissed her cheeks and the scarf she loosely wrapped around her neck is now bobbing in the water like a lazy leaf dangling on a branch in autumn.

She stared at it and contemplated if she should pick it up.

Then her mind went back to exactly a week ago at the exact same place she stood now.

She had her eyes closed and felt the soft, silky touch of the pale-blue scarf as he wrapped it around her neck.

"I thought it would look beautiful on you," he said. Then he stared into her eyes and at that moment she felt as if he went down into her soul and released her from the prison she has built to protect her from the greatest hoax on Earth - Love.

She never believed in that emotion. She never really believed that it ever existed. All she knew - or rather, all she wanted to believe in - is that love is nothing but a mere fantasy little girls read in fairy tales and books. She wasn't a little girl and she didn't want to deal with that emotion for as long as she could.

Love, to her, is a short-term stupidity and that makes the people involved vulnerable like an open wound exposed to dirty water. She didn't want that for herself. She knew the consequences and would rather be safe than sorry.

The gentle swaying of the soft wave brought her back to the setting of the peaceful sun.

So she let the scarf float. She stood there and watched it drift away with the tide and hopes that it will find solace in the world we now recognise as something that can expose us to the harsh reality that exists.

Siti

2008-10-30T08:17:00.000-07:00

She remembers sitting in the corridor of the hospital, which gave her the chance to reflect on all the possibilities that could happen. How life could change and throw them in a spiraling turbulence of insecurity and loss.

She remembers that fateful night.

The stars were hiding behind the clouds that decided to shield the twinkling bright lights from the inevitable.

She ran through the hallway and passed a couple who followed her with their gaze. She could feel them penetrating her soul with sorry eyes. They burned, she remembers. How she wished she could stop running and tell them that everything was ok; that nothing was going to happen.

Then she ran like there was no tomorrow.

Seeing her father sitting next to an empty bed made her think that thing's like this happened to other people. It could never happen to them. Always other people.

"And other people are saying this about everyone else," she thought.

No. Everything will be ok. It has to be.

As she sat in the corridor, she felt as if she was standing on a high-wall like one of those circus people balancing themselves on a tight-rope. Except that there was no net that would break her fall.

Minutes seemed like hours and the doctors have kept them in the dark.

"50-50," he said with a smug look on his face as if he could determine other peoples fate. As if he was God himself. Bullshit.

And then she fell from that wall.

The hope he had given her was just a waste of time and emotions. But, she bought it. She accepted that hope and as she stood there watching the lifeless body of the person she loved she felt as if "hope" was nothing but a mere illusion the world hands out so easily - as if "hope" was nothing but words that helps conceal reality. "Hope" is nothing more than a figment of our imaginations, she thought. The word that is used by higher powers and those who controlled the world who want us to fallback on this pathetic excuse for something to believe in.

Never again, she thought.

Sigh..

2 years later, here she is now. Allowing her mind to wander the corridors on that fateful night. Thinking about the things she could have done or said to help save her.

She looked out her window and was absorbed by the twinkling night-lights, precariously placed onto the black velvet sheet of space. There were there now..as if they understood how she felt.

Sigh..

Siti

2008-10-29T04:44:00.000-07:00

The sound coming from behind her car brought her back into reality and at the precise moment she felt as if she just woke up from a dream that can never really come true.

She thought about the things he told her; the things that made her feel as if she could die with a smile on her face and it ultimately brought her on the verge of tears.

She combed her fingers through her ebony hair and used her damp palm to rub her face as if it could wipe away the heavy sensation she was feeling.

Driving down that familiar road seemed surreal. The thing's that has happened over the past hour..seemed so, very surreal..

..and she.

2008-10-27T02:34:00.000-07:00

..she lifted her jacket from the seat and caught the lingering scent of the one person she yearned for. The one who..made her heart skip a beat; cry like there's tomorrow and played with her heart strings like a harpist playing her last performance.

sigh..

but she couldn't. not now..the complexities of the harsh reality was..real. she knew, deep down she knew it could never happen.

the human emotions and the way they tend to play with a person's ability to think logically, she thought, was..astounding. who knew how strongly one's heart could govern a person's well-being and the way they choose to live.

she stared at the ceiling clock and realised that it stopped moving.

her mind reeled back to that afternoon and she could still feel his embrace under the awning that sheilded them from the rain. If she could pick any moment to freeze it would be that moment - where everything seemed to melt away like lemon drops in a glass of water.

she placed her jacket back onto the chair, fought back a stray tear and just walked away..

and she just walked away..

Siti

23.10.08

2008-10-23T05:29:00.000-07:00

TIIIIIIIIIIIIREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!

*sighhh..tired~

How's it going?

That's good..

..or bad?

whatever rocks your boat.

sigh..night~.

Siti sends A WHOLE LOT OF LOVE to ALL THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE! and yes, that means YOU! =).

Siti

With Shafiq Affendi (the BB reporter)

2008-10-16T06:30:00.001-07:00

So, i asked Shafiq if he'd like to co-author and he says "no, why should I?" so, moving on..

He's still hovering..
Now he's pointing to an article and is telling me a story.....and it was long. and now he's off to iLotus with Malek Hashim.

so anyway, hi.
how's everyone?
me?

uhhh.....exams, anxiety, fatigue (almost) and GAH!!!!
sigh..

to those yang ambil exam: ALL THE BEST!
to those yang inda/alum ambil exam (AS in particular):
1) GOOD FOR YOU!!!
2) Biar kamu stress next year since you all have shit loads to recall..MUAHAHAHA!

i'm sorry for being harsh..tired bah =s.

anyway, am off my lovelies!

Night.

MUCHOS LOVE!

Siti

October 10, 2008.

2008-10-10T05:42:00.000-07:00

Sigh..

the thing is that..i'm only human. i've feelings, weaknesses, strenghts..the works.
and in being human i've learnt that..we all have to face the harsh reality of being shot down not just once, but a lot of times over the course of our very existence.

the thing of it is..is that..in being human, i get to cry..i get to..scream in frustration and dissapointment..and by the end of it, i get..my heart broken and left to pick up the sharp little pieces that will, ultimately, scar me for life despite the invisible wounds.

sigh..

sitting here, trying hard not to..sob like the niave little girl that i am, i realise that..i'm growing. we all are..and it's how we deal with it that makes us who we are and how we act to the things we have and need to face to ensure our very survival in the real world..

the term 'reality bites' really is true..but..you know how it goes..you can't say much or do much besides accepting it for what it is and eventually..move on...

Tuesday, September 30

2008-09-29T10:03:00.000-07:00

It isn't fair how..the majority of us sit at home, remote control in hand and a bag of crisps in our laps, while children in third world countries have to sleep on the ground with, if they're lucky, thin blankets protecting them from the bitter night's cold and eat just a small piece of bread and having to share that with 2 to 3 other children..

It isn't fair how..we get to sleep at night not having to worry if we'll live to see the sun's rays the next morning, while those in war torn countries wonder if a bomb will tear through their houses when they fall asleep..

It's stupid how most of us waste food by going to buffet's and piling whatever that's on offer and then say "Damn, i'm so full" and push our plates away, while some of the less fortunate have to dig through our trashcans and savour whatever piece of morsel they can find, if any..

It saddens me to realise that a whole bunch of us seem to not care about other people's plight and go about our daily live's complaining about the thing's that makes us mad like the traffic that's slowing us down or the weather and how wet/dry/cold/hot it is..

People..open your eyes.
We should all be grateful for all the thing's we have..
Saying "Alhamdulillah" for something you get, even if you don't deserve it, goes a long way..
Don't fret about the silly little thing's that gets your knickers in knots..
It'll just waste your time.

Sigh..

All the love.

Siti

Saturday, August 27

2008-09-27T06:42:00.000-07:00

My brother left for the UK and i'm sad =(. watching him leave was one of the most hardest thing's i had to do because 1) he's my brother 2) he's my friend 3)

EH! HE'S ONLINE! hahaha. so anyway. yeah..

i miss him =(. my little cousin cried all the way back to Muara after seeing her brother off (who also left with my brother). twas sad. sigh..they had to spend the night without blankets and pillows when they got there..*snickers.

anyway. i'm off..

night, awesome's =).

mucho's love..

Siti

Saturday, September 20, 2008

2008-09-20T06:30:00.000-07:00

Sigh..

My brother's leaving this Monday for UK and i miss him already.
It sucks having to watch someone you're close too going away for a bit..
My mother and me are so very proud of him and we know that he'll do just finee..
the only worry is that he won't have enough to eat since he's pretty lazy when it comes to cooking. the other day he was saying "buat potato sandwich saja.." *crickets in the background. heh..children =p.
mum bought him one big box of indomee and hopefully it'll last him for a few weeks. Dad told him to go look for fish, which i'm sure that's what he'll do. the cooking and the gutting? entah..makan raw saja =p with the entrails and fish poop still intact. ew..

so anyway, i'm off.

stay beautiful, gorgeousness~

Lots of warm love~

Siti

September 13, 2008. Saturday.

2008-09-13T06:01:00.001-07:00

It's a Saturday and we're at work doing things we're supposed to be doing. it's been pretty slow tonight..along with our other Saturday's but it's all good =).

I'm on a current high because of something new and unexpected and i can't wrap my head around it just yet. it's starting to go away, sadly but..we may never know. i just hope it'll be around a little longer. maybe till i'm over it..

sigh.

Life. Ain't it grand?

Later, sunshines.

x's&o's.

Siti

This is sweet..

2008-09-12T05:14:00.000-07:00

Buffalos save woman from bear

Five water buffalos saved their owner in China by hitting and driving away a bear.

Luo Fengju, 55, of Chengning town, Yunnan, was attacked by a black bear as she was about to return home with the buffalos.

"I was collecting my field tools when I suddenly heard a noise. When I looked up, the bear was already standing before me," she told the Chuncheng Evening Post.

Luo said the bear took a swipe at her face and knocked her to the ground.

She tried to crawl away while calling for help: "But the bear rushed over and caught my right leg. I thought I was going to die."

However, the five water buffalos, which were grazing nearby, suddenly dashed over and attacked the bear.

"The bear let go of me and was growling at the buffalos, trying to scare them off," said Luo.

The buffalos formed a circle around Luo, and one of them butted the bear with its horns, forcing it to retreat.

"Without the five of them, I don't know what would have happened. I am 55-years-old, how could I possibly fight with a bear?"

Villagers said when they arrived the buffalos were still surrounding their owner, who was covered in blood.

The buffalos are now being treated as heroes and being given extra food.

Source: ananova.com

SO CUTE!!

2008-09-06T08:50:00.000-07:00

These are just too cute!
and hilarious!

i wasnt bothered to resize them 0=).
Siti

Saturday, 23 August

2008-08-23T07:49:00.000-07:00

We had Awie's going away today and i ate wasabi =(. without the sushi..
i'm guessing you people have done it but i haven't and my tummy hurts a little bit..like this burning sensation and i feel like puking..

you people are evil, Wie! si Del jua! and Amal! EBIL! *kicks

Puasa's coming and may it bring lots of happiness and lots of losing weight =).
ALL THE BEST! Heh..

Most of the scholars will be leaving soon and i'm sure they're pretty bummed that they don't get to spend Raya here..inda apalah..Raya disana saja..makan nasi and make then square =p.

And another thing..
congratulations to those who did awesome in their June AS. and for those who didn't do so great, remember to always strive for what you want *thumbs up.

night, lovelies.

Siti

Penguins.

2008-08-09T06:11:00.000-07:00

i was watching Animal Planet tadi and they had this 'Most Xtreme' segment and tadi was abt Most Xtreme Diets and stuff. male King Penguins, i think, can go without a meal for 3 months when incubating their eggs and they usually travel in groups to the coldest place on earth..sekali, imagine them just huddling together for three months..looking at the same face for 90 days..i wonder what they talk abt..

"Hi Joe"

"Hi"

"uhhh..some weather we're having"

*Joe waddles away*

"Joe? Joooee?? *shouts* WAS IT SOMETHING I SAID??"

hehe..that'll be funny..

Siti

Wednesday, 6 August: School

2008-08-05T18:23:00.000-07:00

Amal was just right here next to me and now she's over there *points*

Sigh. life's grand, isn't it?
despite the little dramas and insecurity and stuff..

imagine if you could be anyone you wanted to be..and then realising that you aren't as happy as you thought you could be..
it seems superficial of me to think that way..i mean, why would you want to be someone else when you can be yourself and still be happy?

maybe this is why the posers and wannabe's don't really get accepted practically because they aren't themselves..like, not being original. if you are one of those people who like original stuff and then buying a pair of Levi's jeans and then the salesperson saying "oh, it isn't original", wouldn't you be mad?

I'm not being baised but honestly, i'd rather have friends who don't think they're all that without knowing that they're everything.

kan Mal? =p.

All the love, people.

Siti

Monday, August 4

2008-08-04T07:08:00.000-07:00

It's Mooonndaaaayyy..
i want to sleep bah..
please?
can lah..
i love you =).

I want to travel the world one day..take in all the sights and sounds the world has to offer and then after i'm done..i'd like to change the world just a little bit..

make the streets safer for women..
turn houses into homes for little children..
those things..

and hopefully, one day..all of us will feel this need and make the world a better place for everyone..

Siti

Sunday, August 3

2008-08-03T06:31:00.000-07:00

Congratulations are in order especially to Ka Liza who got married today and to Huda who just got engaged *applause*..

sigh. i'm feeling down =(.

Siti

Mother Nature's sense of homour?

2008-08-02T07:38:00.000-07:00

Piglet with monkey's face

Villagers were shocked after a monkey-like piglet was born in China.

Curious locals flocked to the home of owner Feng Changlin after news of the piglet spread in Fengzhang village, Xiping township.

"It's hideous. No one will be willing to buy it, and it scares the family to even look at it!" Feng told Oriental Today.

He says the piglet looks just like a monkey, with two thin lips, a small nose and two big eyes. Its rear legs are also much longer than its forelegs, causing it to jump instead of walk.

Feng's wife said the monkey-faced piglet was one of five newborns of a sow which the family had raised for nine years.

"My God, it was so scary. I didn't known what it was. I was really frightened," she said.

"But our son likes to play with it, and he stopped us from getting rid of it. He even feeds it milk."

Neighbours have suggested the couple keep the piglet to see how it looks as it matures.

Friday, August 1

2008-08-01T08:06:00.000-07:00

Current interest =).

Jason Mraz

Friday, August 1

2008-08-01T02:08:00.000-07:00

Ahh..August 1. the start of a new month..i wanted to mention something significant about this but..i forgot =s aka i'm just lazy to remember.

oh right. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HUI!

Papai..
Siti

Thursday, July 31

2008-07-31T04:51:00.000-07:00

i love you bi =).

x's&o's.

Itisay

Wednesday, July 30

2008-07-30T03:05:00.000-07:00

First of all. Israk Mikraj is celebrated today. our Prophet, Nabi Muhammad SAW journeyed to the Heavens on this very day, many, many years ago.

Bye, lovelies.

Siti

Monday, July 28

2008-07-28T06:42:00.000-07:00

something happened to me today and it kinda had something to do with that happened a few days back and it made me realise how mean some people can get.

i'd like to go into details but..i'd rather not..

it's sad how us 'perfect' people tend to look-down on 'special' people; as if we aren't grateful that we have the capability to make a difference. from my opinion, we should all be jealous of these special individuals because God chose them to be that way so that they'd be taken care of..it might be a burden but fact is that their life is easy..they don't miss out on the things us normal people miss out..like the beauty of being happy even if time's get hard; they smile at the simple fact that people talk to them, like that saying 'the greatest things in life are free'.

if you aren't materialistic, you'd get what i mean.

Smile people; the world isn't so bad.
Siti

Sunday, July 27

2008-07-27T03:48:00.001-07:00

have materialistic things taken over our lives? has it?

that was the question that ran through my mind as one of my friends revealed the horrific last moments of one of the victims from the shocking accident we have so far seen.

last Saturday, just 8 days ago, a family of three decided to cross the border and little did they know, that very same trip would be their last.

in the final moments of one of the victims life, an unknown woman, caught on video decided to help herself to the valuables belonging to the victims, not caring that the very same woman's husband she was robbing was kissing his wife good-bye.

is this what human beings have succumb to? selfish little prats who can't even, for one second, help others who are in need? not even in their dying moment? if this is it, then may god have mercy on our souls; may god have mercy on us all.

people, let this be an example to us all. we should not let ourselves fall into the pathetic pit of items that we can't even bring with us when we die.

take a moment to reflect and ask yourself 'did i really need that?' when you see that little piece of item that you don't need.

Siti

Thursday

2008-07-24T07:11:00.001-07:00

I came across this blog a few days back thanks to a friend of mine and honestly, my first impression was "grow up".
for some reason this person thinks that roses grow in Brunei =s. i'm not sure if he/she was typing metaphorically or literally but either way, it doesn't make sense.

my fingers are cold again and the night seems to be passing by oh so slowly.
i want Muj =(.
i feel like laughing at something pathetic. i'm not sadistic; this certain situation is so pathetic it's laughable..to a certain extent but laughable nonetheless.

iway antway otay ickpay ouryay osenay.
translate =).

later, lovelies.

Siti

Wednesday

2008-07-23T04:11:00.000-07:00

Humans are creatures of habit; they do the same thing almost daily, go through the same routine every week unless stated otherwise, and they see the same people almost at regular intervals.

it amazes me how routine our lives are, yet, we have all these things that make life interesting; like the gossips we hear, the tragedies we tend to sympathise with and it got me thinking; is life as simple as we think it to be? is it just "get born, live, die"? or does it have more significance? is life significant? or do we create that significance in our lives?

probably both. life does have it's significance but no one really knows what it is hence the question "what is life?".

however, people tend to create significance in their lives such as their mission to "save the world" or "get married, populate the world and live till 90".

but, what about those who do not have significance, at all? that would be hard. they'd be like lost souls.

Felda and me belajar Pig Latin today.

owhay areway ouyay?

aketay arecay!
oodlestay!

uchmay ovelay!

itiSay!

Saturday

2008-07-19T03:21:00.000-07:00

Here are some photos.

Jaoyah and Carrie

Muj =) and me

Farhan

Love =)

My adi. (ia anak asuh. thats why we don't look alike =p.)

Have an awesome weekend, lovelies.

Siti